The Law of Expectation

If I sow, I reap. If I give, it will be given to me. If I knock, the door will be opened. These are all conditional statements that are used in our everyday lives as we work diligently to get out equal or more than we put in. It’s the law of expectation. Without prompting, l’ve grown accustomed to it. It wasn’t spoken of, it wasn’t intentionally or strategically taught, no one told me what was supposed to happen, I just expected it! So what happens when people don’t get the memo? What happens when the law is broken?

 

Some of us who have experienced the violation of this lawbreaker feel violated and quite disappointed. This disappointment carries over into areas of our lives where we begin to either lower our expectations or have none at all. Are expectations a bad thing? ABSOLUTELY NOT! What makes expectations challenging are when they are unspoken.

 

As I stated earlier, there were some things in my life that I just expected. Notice I said things, not people. You see, when we put expectations on people assuming that they should know what we need and how we need it, we lose every…single…time. This happens all the time in relationships. Lisa thought John should know what she likes, so when John comes in with flowers instead of an Edible Arrangement, the whole week shuts down! Are you guilty? Has this happened to you?

 

I sometimes get the question, “Do I need to repeat my expectations all time?” My answer, “As long as it takes the person to get it.” Expectations can be scary only when we shut ourselves down and are not open to hearing what is being said. Let’s be clear, expectations, especially in relationships, are for you, not the other person.

 

Has a relationship been damaged or bruised because of an unspoken expectation? If so, what can you do to communicate it effectively?

 

 

 

 

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When Hope Seems to Be Distant

Oh the things unspoken regarding the cost of success. Whether it’s success in business, marriage, parenting, or a relationship, there’s a process that must be endured to receive the abundant overflow we so desperately desire. Sometimes going through circumstances and situations, we may feel like our hand is forced and our capacity to make good decisions is limited. Have you ever felt that God wanted you to do something…no, you were CERTAIN that He wanted you to do it, but things didn’t turn out the way you expected? As a matter of fact, they begin to spiral out of control…out of YOUR control. May I offer that when things spiral out of YOUR control, it’s normally an indication that God wants TOTAL control?

 

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The Extreme Mental Makeover

When deciding to become an entrepreneur, there were habits that I knew needed to be broken in order to be successful. There was no doubt that my mindset had to shift along with my work efforts. No longer did I have the privilege of direct deposits into my accounts on a guaranteed payday; it was up to me to now generate the income I needed. I needed a complete transformation mentally if I were going to actually do this entrepreneur thing full-time.

 

When I think about the attitude I needed to push past the “No’s”, it makes me appreciate my “Yes’s” that much more. I had to tear down my pride to understand that just because I believed everyone would like me doesn’t mean they would actually become a client. Once I got an understanding that the industry I was in was overwhelmed with go-getters, I needed to truly relook at my brand and my services.

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Enjoy the Walk, Enjoy the Journey

The big picture of life can sometimes distract us.  A picture that is vibrantly colored and offers options beyond anything we can ever imagine is enticing.  We want it all and now would be a great time to deliver it!  Understanding that the big picture is important, it’s even more important to understand that the steps to get you there are crucial.  Read more

Pressing Past the Plateau

I love my #totalwoman attitude! My mindset is to live a healthy life personally, spiritually and professionally.  Within the perimeters of my personal living is exercise.  I didn’t realize how many women don’t like that word! LOL! There are days I wake up on time racing out the front door, ready to get my workout on, and then there are days when it takes a little longer than normal to put my feet on the floor.  Once I’m in the gym, I am committed to giving 45mins to an hour of dedicated time to my body.  I don’t have a trainer and I like to think of myself as self-motivated. Herein lies the problem.  When I am lifting weights and it starts to burn or hurt, I put them down.  I figure why put myself through such pain.  Even going through a process of losing weight, I plateaued.  I couldn’t lose anymore weight than I had already lost for about 2 weeks.  I quickly realized I had to do something different. I had to switch it up!  So I spoke with someone who had a little more experience in the weight room.  They told me that when I started to feel the pain and burn, it was an indication that my muscles were being stretched and getting the workout they need to become stronger.  Well, why didn’t someone say that at the beginning?!! ☺

 

 

As we are pushing, pursuing our hopes, dreams and calling it gets painful, tiring and starts to burn, so we decide to stop.  Sometimes we say, “Maybe it’s really not for me” or “Maybe it’s just not my time” when the truth is, you have to keep pressing to see the result.  I’ve read about so many that have pushed and pressed, then quit only to find that they were “3 feet from gold” (which is an amazing book by the way).

 

 

What I love about working out is seeing the results.  No, they don’t happen overnight, but I do know that I am stronger and my endurance is longer because of it.  You may not be where you want to be in life right now, but know that if you are consistent, you become stronger and your endurance becomes longer.  Maybe like me, you feel like you’ve plateaued.  If that’s the case, it’s time to do something different.  You may need a coach (hint, hint), supplements or a different regimen.  Whatever it is, recognize that something has to change and it starts with you!  Don’t settle for less, when greater is only arms length away!

 

 

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Things I learned my first year of being an entrepreneur…FULL-TIME:

  1. Trust God
  2. Know that it’s God and not you
  3. Have a sensitive ear
  4. Don’t allow your feelings to dictate the success of your day
  5. Laziness is not an option if you want to eat
  6. Living the dream costs (it is a sacrifice)
  7. Always prioritize
  8. Always compartmentalize
  9. Control what you allow into your space
  10. Write everything down
  11. Embrace where you are to appreciate where you’re going
  12. Choose your friends carefully.  Surrounding yourself with “yes people” only makes you weak
  13. Use your energy wisely
  14. Take responsibility for the decisions you make
  15. Don’t use social media to express your hurts, pains or disappointments; that’s what friends, counselors and pastors are for
  16. Realize that you are a one-of-a-kind original.  People may be doing what you do, but everyone’s not called to do it
  17. Take risk even when scared, often
  18. Don’t be afraid to be wrong
  19. Always be a student
  20. Always give back (even when no one else recognizes it)
  21. Prepare like you believe what you’re praying for will happen
  22. Believe in yourself when nobody else does
  23. Be resilient
  24. Being healthy is a necessity, not an option
  25. Your family never gets what’s left over, they deserve to get the best of you

 

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Coloring Outside the Lines

Remember how important it was to color within the lines when we were children?  I can remember tracing my outside lines to ensure my pictures had even more definition around the perimeter.  Within the lines was not just the rule of the coloring activity; little did I know, it would teach me how to live a confined life. Anything that made me uncomfortable was considered coloring outside the lines and that was unacceptable.

 

Growing older and experiencing life soon taught me that staying within the lines was only for those who wanted to play it safe.  The lines that I traced to make my outside lines more defined only represented my need to ensure I was safe – nothing in, nothing out.  I soon realized that this was not the way I was designed to live (in comfort and within limits), so slowly I began color freely.

 

Maybe your life looks like this.  Maybe you’re trying so hard to color within the confines of the lines that you’ve become bored and restrained, not tapping into the creative side of who you are.  Maybe you’ve been trapped so long that you don’t know were to start. Here are some ideas:

 

  1. Break out of the monotony.  Doing the same things over and over foster routine, but it can also allow you to be so comfortable that you ignore signs of the necessity to break out of the ordinary.  Take a different route home, buy some fresh flowers for your desk, get a new hairstyle…whatever it is, make it different and make it fun!
  2. Try new things.  Start small; a new restaurant, something new on the menu, a Grand Opening of a retail store.  If you don’t change your palette, you become stuck and life passes you by with more to it than you’ve been willing to discover.  Try SOMETHING new, and even if you don’t like it, it’s okay because your portfolio has now been expanded and you have more to share with others.
  3. Smile.  This can be a big one for most because life has worn you down. Staying within the lines tells you to only smile at what makes you happy, coloring outside the lines says I smile because whatever my situation is, I will be happy. This simple action can turn a world right side up at any given moment.

 

Don’t think of your borderless canvas as messy, think of it as an opportunity to experience freedom! Art is meant to be an expression, EXPRESS! Go beyond where you are and allow yourself to fly!

 

 

 

Kashonna Holland is a Speaker, Life Coach and Writer. With contagious energy, a vibrant smile, and straightforward message, Kashonna passionately and purposefully journeys alongside women from the point of breaking through the process of breakthrough – personally, professionally, and spiritually.

 

Click here to schedule your Fresh Perspective Life Coaching session with SK!

 

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How to Refocus in Chaos

It’s no secret that the pull for our attention in our families, our careers and the media is overwhelming. I would even venture to say that it could be chaotic. Most of the time, we suffer the results of fatigue, stress, mental breakdown, sickness, disease, marital problems, wayward children and other things that we prefer not to accept. Before we know it, these things become our reality and we now have to face the fact that our lives are out of control. Unfortunately, we get to this point before we recognize we must do something.

 

I speak to women on different occasions that are on overload. I remember being one of them. I remember doing everything and trying to be everywhere and actually feeling guilty when I couldn’t. I remember feeling like I had control when I really didn’t. I had convinced myself that I had given my life and schedule to God but I still had a tight grip on it. I made decisions that were unhealthy and unbalanced. By the time I had realized this is where I was, everything began to spiral.

 

One thing I have always taken pleasure in is order. The funny thing is, my life was chaotic and lacking order. I didn’t know how to say “No” and I accepted everything people made me feel guilty for not accepting. When my life began to quickly show results of the mayhem I had warmly embraced, I decided that something was going to change. I didn’t say something had to change, I said something was going to change!

 

There is power in pulling back, shutting it down and regrouping. There is power in unplugging from media, cell phones and computers and getting your life together. There is power in having family meetings and saying, “I know what I’ve accepted in the past, but today is a new day!” The problem becomes, staying focused and keeping order. This cannot be a one-time activity, but must be on going. You must be sensitive enough to know when your life is starting to shift in the wrong direction. It cannot be ignored.

 

In order to refocus, there are a lot of things that can be listed, but I will give you a few to start with:

 

  1. Take Care of Yourself – Self-care for women is very difficult because of our desire to take care of others first. We tend to feel guilty for getting a pedicure, massage, sitting quietly, and getting ice cream without the children or husband. Snap out of it! You can’t give them the best you if you’re torn down.
  2. Take Time to Quiet Yourself – There’s so much going on around us to distract us, we must make a demand on ourselves and our minds to sit in quietness and be refreshed.
  3. Take Time to Listen to Yourself – Don’t ignore what your body is saying. If it’s screaming, “I NEED REST!”, then rest. If it’s saying, “I am sick”, see a doctor and stop pushing it to keep going. If there’s something off and you’re not your normal happy jolly self, make a decision to do something about it and stop ignoring it, especially when it’s been weeks since you’ve smiled. Don’t allow yourself to continue functioning without listening to what your body is saying.

 

I could go on, but let’s focus on these three and master them. Please realize that these things are not one-time fixers, they are on-going maintenance. Make the decision today that living in chaos will not be your norm, and you will refocus so that you can live your life abundantly!

 

 

Kashonna Holland is a Speaker, Life Coach and Writer. With contagious energy, a vibrant smile, and straightforward message, Kashonna passionately and purposefully journeys alongside women from the point of breaking through the process of breakthrough – personally, professionally, and spiritually.

 

Click here to schedule your Fresh Perspective Life Coaching session with SK!

 

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Exceptional Presence

There is something to be said about a woman who can enter a room and command the atmosphere.  There’s even more to be said when she opens her mouth and speaks with authority.  We can’t stop talking even after she leaves because she has not only set the atmosphere and spoken with wisdom, but she has left an imprint on everyone who was in her presence.  This is a woman with an exceptional presence. Most people will think that it has something to do with her outer appearance, and although that’s true to an extent, it’s only part of the whole.

I’d like to offer three things that I believe are a huge factor in having an exceptional presence!

 

  1. Take notice of who’s around you – compliment a look, speak to their child, say something kind to brighten their day!  There’s so much negativity going on in the world today, sometimes people just need a good word of hope.
  2. Take time to correct – when something isn’t right, don’t be afraid to say it; be sure to say it with grace and humility.  Correction requires boldness, but it also requires sensitivity to the situation and the atmosphere.  No one wants to be associated with the angry woman with a chip on her shoulder. When done properly, correction inevitably produces growth.
  3. Take time to listen – this is a hard one when you have a good defensive statement prepared! My girlfriends and I are guilty of talking over one another as we move from one subject to the next, without smooth transition points.  In our excitement to get our words in (partially so we won’t forget them), we must learn to exercise our listening skills.  Good talkers are a dime a dozen, great listeners are a rarity.

 

 

Exercising these three ideas may be a little difficult at first, but when you take it piece by piece and become intentional, it becomes a part of who you are.  When you intentionally stretch yourself beyond your comfort zone, you surpass being great and open yourself up to being EXCEPTIONAL!

 

 

 

Kashonna Holland is a Speaker, Life Coach and Writer. With contagious energy, a vibrant smile, and straightforward message, Kashonna passionately and purposefully journeys alongside women from the point of breaking through the process of breakthrough – personally, professionally, and spiritually.

 

Click here to schedule your Fresh Perspective Life Coaching session with SK!

 

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